The Gag Lover's Tale

Here's a wonderful bondage bio I just received from a new English friend, who's also done an interview with me on his blog, appropriately called Keep Your Mouth Shut.

 

 

The Gag Lover’s Tale

 

1.

 

Being born in the mid 1980s and growing up as a child of the 90s I suppose I had my bondage awakening in a more liberated time than a lot of others before me. I often read stories of people who were living a bondage life-style in the 70s or 80s and am always awed by the bravery they displayed in a less forgiving age. I sometimes feel that if these guys had not set the path before me then I think I would still be very repressed and most likely very depressed.

 

I grew up in the United Kingdom, raised by fairly liberal parents. However the one thing never really discussed was sex - even as I reached those awkward teenage years.

 

I remember one day when I was 6 years old, I was at my babysitter’s house after school and she had taped an episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for me, as she regularly did, because we did not have Sky (Cable) Television ourselves. In this particular episode there was a kidnap scene in which the main villain, Shredder, captured the reporter April O'Neil. He gave her an ultimatum: either she would willingly help him with his plan or he would have to “keep that pretty little mouth shut”. Of course she chose the latter and he pulled out a long piece of cloth and proceeded to tie it over her mouth. Something began to stir inside me and I re-wound the tape because I knew I needed to see that moment again. I must have re-wound it about 10 times until my babysitter asked me what I was doing. Of course the reality is that I did not even know why I was doing this. I just knew that I liked what I was seeing.

 

Fast forward through the years and the more bondage exposure I received through television shows the more I started to absorb it and slowly, without realising it, I was becoming a bondophile. In particular I started to crave the intimacy of a hand over the mouth. It was my favourite type of gag and I could not look away whenever I would see an occurrence of it. Furthermore I began to realise that it was a handgag between two men that most excited me. Most resonating were the ‘mmmppphhh’ sounds the person being kidnapped or silenced would make. I loved the power exchange and struggle involved, especially when the captor would ignore the pleas of his victim. There is something magical about someone taking control over someone else like that and seeing the captive’s emotions change from anger and resistance to eventual submission and acceptance.

 

Having something of an obsessive personality I began to keep a list of all my favourite handgag moments. These ranged from clips I had seen on TV shows, pictures in books or real life moments when some of the boys in my school had been handgagged. I remember vividly that I called this list the “hand-over-mouth-sticking-up-willy competition” and I would rank the various scenes and moments based on what I found the most arousing. The name still gives me massive cringe attacks!

 

I became close with one of the boys who had handgagged a few of my classmates. Eventually I learned that if I could be annoying enough I too would get one. However this caused a conflict of interest. Whilst I desperately wanted it to happen, I was also afraid of any one ever finding out the extent of the enjoyment I got out of it. I was already feeling like a freak for getting boners (I did not realise that all guys get these until I was about 11 years old!) but also due to the fact that it was bondage that caused these feelings. It was for this reason that I never took the opportunities that arose over the years to handgag anyone. I can’t really say that anything happened with the guy from my class, and he ended up moving away in 2nd year. I spent a lot of time thinking about him for the next year or so, however. Looking back, he may have been the first bondophile I ever met and it saddens me that I may never know for sure whether he was or not.

 

My love of bondage continued to bubble away in the background as I moved into my teenage years. At the time my love of bondage was fairly basic. I liked a hand over someone’s mouth and I liked ropes and cloth gags. In my teenage years my other senses began to awaken. I started to realise I was into men. I knew it before but I did not have a lightbulb moment until I was 13 and pieced it all together. As a teenage boy in an all boys’ school this was the most terrifying revelation that I could have had. I felt so weighed down by my fetishes and sexuality that I started to become reclusive. I was the weird kid who wouldn't talk much for fear of being exposed. Just about every day I woke up and felt disgusting and vile, whilst every one around me seemed fairly normal in my eyes. I think if you had offered me the option to swap and become a normal, heterosexual boy at that time I would have snatched your hand off. Sometimes I would have suicidal thoughts, feeling completely detached and alienated from the world around me.

 

However, where I was lucky in a way that perhaps others before me were not, was that I was a tech savvy kid and the internet was starting to grow. On top of that, my parents were fairly technologically impaired which meant I could stay 10 steps ahead of them when it came to covering my tracks on a computer. I began to seek out bondage. Real bondage performed by real men.

 

As I started to find stuff, the more I began to realise that there were people out there like me. Some of the stuff I found initially was slightly unnerving. I found a lot of images of fully leather clad men walking men in dog masks around on leashes. That had no appeal for me and made me worry that this was a fundamental part of the bondage life style. However, I also found some really great images that fit my needs and desires. Whilst my intentions may at times have been fairly perverted, the by-product was that I was able to start normalising my feelings and this was very therapeutic for me. Over time I began to start coming out of my shell and I became an outgoing kid again.

 

2.

 

I came out when I was 21 years old. However I decided that if I was going to come out I was going to come out the whole way and this meant being open about love of BDSM as well. After all, I thought to myself, “what’s the point of being openly gay if I'm still not happy?”

 

The reactions from people were fairly nonchalant. Honestly I don’t think a single person cared. It was at that point that I started to realise that every one had some kind of fetish, whether it ranged from the fairly mundane to the very extreme. Some people probably have a fetish and don’t even realise it is a fetish.

 

Initially I didn’t really know where to find guys into bondage. I stated on my Gaydar profile that I was really into bondage, I hung out in the bondage chat room on the site, but the response was underwhelming. No-one would really speak in the chatroom and the messages I got were from some of the scariest guys imaginable. Everything about them screamed “axe murderer!”

 

I did get one message from a guy who lived in the same town as me. He was what you might call a daddy bear. Beefy, grey haired, big bearded and very sweet and gentle natured. We chatted for about a month before I finally met him for dinner. We went out a few times before I felt comfortable moving things to the bedroom. He knew exactly what I liked, even if it wasn’t really his thing, but he wanted to try it with me anyway. The time came and he stripped me naked and proceeded to bind my wrists behind my back with a wire of some kind. The bond was very comfortable and secure which made me feel very happy. He followed this up by wrapping a long piece of cloth through and then over my mouth, synching the knot behind my head.

 

He was very good at role playing and the dialog he gave me was very erotic. However my gag was not secure and I began to feel like I was trying to keep it in my mouth rather than being gagged. Eventually it slipped out and the mood went with it. I'll always be grateful for this introduction to bondage though because it gave me confidence to keep going and find new experiences. That guy became one of my best friends and really helped me come to terms with the aspects of my sexuality that I still struggled with. Unfortunately he passed away in 2011 but he is still very dear to my heart.

 

Following on from my first experience I discovered the fetish dating site Recon. Upon registering, I felt like I had arrived at the promised land. There were so many profiles of beautiful bound and gagged men. In particular I received a message from a very sexy, mature bear based in Detroit, Michigan. His name was Derek. We chatted on and off for over a year. I think the distance between us made it easier to chat without the pressure of an immediate meet, something that I found offputting about other people I had chatted to. Slowly over time we began to grow very close. We shared everything from various exciting bondage ideas and scenarios to the everyday mundane things about our lives. One day Derek informed me that he would be travelling to London and asked whether I would like to meet up with him. I could not believe that I might actually get to meet this guy.

 

On 18th June 2009 I went to meet Derek in a pub just outside of Earls Court. There had been a little confusion that day and so I was unsure whether he wanted to do any bondage or not. However to be on the safe side I packed some ropes, tape and handkerchiefs, as well as my leather gloves, in my bag and away I went.

 

We recognised each other instantly and had a few drinks. We chatted about various things, in particular I remember us talking about politics a fair bit. Then, with my curiosity running wild, I asked him whether he wanted to go ahead with our bondage session because I was unsure from his earlier messages whether he still wanted it. He clarified our misunderstanding and told me that he thought that I had not wanted to do it but that he was very keen to go ahead with it. After grabbing some dinner at Nandos we headed back to his hotel room.

 

Once inside I emptied my back of its contents and Derek had a glance at the them. A wry smile came over his face. "So what do you want to do?" he asked me. I told him to put his hands behind his back and he obliged. I began to feel a rush of blood to my head as a mixture of excitement and nervous energy started to consume me. I grabbed one of my ropes and began to bind his wrists together tightly, looping the rope both vertically and horizontally to ensure that there was no slack. After I had finished tying his wrists I told him to sit in the chair that was in his hotel room. I then proceeded to bind his feet in a similar fashion to his wrists and finished by binding his torso to the chair. This was the early days for me regarding bondage and so I only used three pieces of rope. With Derek secured to the chair I walked around the back of him. Almost instinctively I clamped my hand down over his mouth from behind the chair and leant my head in close to his. My hand fit perfectly over his mouth like it was meant to be. I instantly felt sparks fly and the adrenaline began to pump around my body (especially to a certain part). I started to photograph things at this point. First a few handgag shots and after that I began to snap photos of him gagged in different ways.

 

The first gag involved one of Derek's socks being shoved into his mouth and being sealed with a white handkerchief tied over and around his mouth. To this day a classic, white hanky gag is still my favourite type of gag (excluding handgags). Every thing was perfect and in truth I could have just laid on the bed and stared at Derek all night whilst he was bound and gagged like that, squirming and moaning away. I then proceeded to tape over the existing gag with purple bondage tape. I loved the sight of the heavier gag. I finished it off by adding a rubber muzzle. I was in heaven. I could not believe that I had this sexy bear, all bound and gagged, to myself.

 

At this stage Derek was still fully clothed. I asked him if I could undo his jeans and see his underwear and boner. It's worth mentioning at this time that Derek was in a somewhat open relationship and so I did not know what the boundaries were. He grunted and nodded his head in a yes fashion and so I began to undo his jeans and saw that, in fact, he was enjoying this as much as I was. I then added some nipple clamps and a blindfold and sat back and enjoyed watching my hostage test his bonds, unable to escape.

 

After about an hour I released him and let him catch his breath and rehydrate. I don't think either of us really wanted much respite so we hurried on with another scenario. This time I stripped Derek all the way down to his underwear and socks. I placed him on the bed and began to hogtie him. Since I was still new to this I did not necessarily know how to hogtie him properly. I was just using the knowledge I had gained from watching various BearBound videos and observing their techniques. Needless to say I got Derek tightly secured in a hogtie anyway. The sock went back in his mouth and I sealed it there with a green handkerchief this time. We learned the hard way that the bed was not really a suitable place for this action and Derek actually ended up slipping off onto the floor. Thankfully it was a slow, gentle fall and thus there were no injuries, only gagged laughter. I started to photograph Derek again, later adding 4 or 5 wrappings of silver duct tape over the existing gag. 

 

By this point Derek was very sweaty and it made playing with his body much more fun. I donned my leather gloves and began to handgag him again and I felt him lean into me as it was happening. I knew I needed to capture this moment on video and so I balanced my camera on top of a glass and began to film our little GOM (Glove Over Mouth) session. I still feel like this was perhaps the most erotic bondage experience I have had to date and I'm so glad I still have the video to watch.

 

Our session ended there and I had to head home but I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect first session. I think the fact that Derek and I had taken the time to get to know each other really made the difference and helped us establish that connection.

 

Derek and I have met up many times over the years since. My favourite time is probably when we met in Los Angeles, California in 2012. Throughout that trip we got to live as if we were boyfriends for a few days. We engaged in much more romantic and sexual bondage on that trip. The highlight for me is when I had Derek bound and gagged on the bed and was snuggled up with him. Neither of us needed to say anything (in fact Derek couldn’t anyway!) We just lived in the moment and it was as if nothing else mattered in the world. If we could have stayed like that forever I think we would have.

 

Whilst I love playing the role of the captor I still love being the captive sometimes. My first full experience with being held captive was with a 71-year-old man in Dagenham, London. I’d be lying if I said that as a child I imagined my first captive session to be with a 71-year-old man but you can never predict how life will go. He was a mutual friend of some of my recon friends and I had seen his impressive bondage work on many of their profiles. We chatted for a few months. It took quite a while to set things in motion because he would often go 2 weeks without logging on. I took the train down to Dagenham and when I arrived at the station Colin was there waiting for me. We walked back to his house and he offered me a drink and some lunch. Whilst he was preparing lunch he gave me his laptop and told me I could look through all his bondage pictures if I wanted to. I was amazed at the sheer volume of pictures he had. I only wish I could have somehow obtained a copy of my own but that would have been a violation of other people’s privacy. Some of the pictures were so sexy however. The common theme being a big, white over-the-mouth handkerchief gag. It was a perfect way to get me in the mood.

 

After lunch he gave me my ‘last chance’ to back out. I refused. “Well we better go upstairs then,” he said whilst smiling. He took me up to his spare bedroom and from there opened up his closet which contained around 20-25 pieces of gear ranging from rubber mac coats to straitjackets to rubber diving suits. I had never seen so much gear in my life. “It’s not all mine,” he told me. “I just store some of it for my regular visitors”. To me that was cool. It made me realise that the BDSM community was not just a social network, there were actually genuine relationships there as well.

 

We agreed I would wear my suit that I brought with me. We were going for a detective style scene. Colin took his time to tie me up. He was very thorough and I got to observe his roping techniques up close and learned a thing or two myself. After a while I found myself almost covered in rope, bound to a wooden chair. He began to photograph me and gave me a little bit of direction. It's worth mentioning that my meetings with Colin have always been about the bondage and not sexual experiences. I kinda felt like a bondage model. This must have been what it was like to be on sites like TieGuyUK or CapturedGuys.

 

After a few photos he stuffed my mouth with a damp sponge. Then came the tape wrapped around my head many times. Finally he produced a long, white bandage material and tied it over my mouth and around my head. This was the first time I had been tied up in a secure way and so I began to luxuriate in my predicament.

 

Colin then added another bandage over my eyes and finished by adding his detective hat to my head. I was then left to struggle. My natural instinct funnily enough was not to struggle. The whole thing felt very relaxing to me and I could have happily stayed that way for a few hours. However after a while I decided I should try to test my bonds. I began to find that I could pull some slack on the ropes binding my wrists and began to tug at them. Colin started to notice this and taped my hands into two mitts before tightening the ropes on my wrists.

 

At that point I started to get very excited. I loved that he was stacking the decks against me to try and stop me from escaping. However once I broke the tape mitts and had the use of my fingers again I managed to slacken the ropes once again. At this point Colin accepted defeat and eventually I got loose from my bonds, leaving my gag for last because I didn’t really want to take it off. It was a great session and I returned to Colin many times over the years. The more he got to know me the more he learned about how to restrain me and nowadays I can’t get loose until he decides that I’ve had enough. After all it’s much more satisfying when you’re on the receiving end if you know for sure that you can’t escape at all—most importantly if you know that you can’t get your gag off!

 

Part of me still yearns for a more intimate captive experience. I have chatted with many guys over the years but nothing has ever really come to pass. Colin is still the only guy I really visit for a captive experience but, with him being 75 now, I am fully aware that this arrangement can’t last forever. I’m hopeful I can find an experience where a captor is more willing to strip me down and explore my body. I have a lot of fetishes that I have indulged as a top but that have yet to have indulged as a sub.

Comments

[Keep Your Mouth Shut]

Thank you for featuring my story Bob! :)

[control]

Great story.
I love gags nearly as much as blindfolds!

[Mike]

Very hot story, and pics